I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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