GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
