I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
