I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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