I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
