sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you win again, gameday.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
