my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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