i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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