she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
