i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
