that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
