look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
