Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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