So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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