I'm jealous of your bromance
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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