I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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