Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
