you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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