69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
