I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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