Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
please come you make the beer taste better
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
