Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
