Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
