I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
