Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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