I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
