I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
