so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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