is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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