you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
