I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
