If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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