I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
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he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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