If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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