i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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