Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She told me I should be a condom model.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
