We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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