Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
