I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We named our party play list daddy issues
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
