peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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