I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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