he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
