Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
