I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
