also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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