Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
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I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
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He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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