jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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