she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
