spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
soo... how was my night?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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