even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
