we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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