Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
