I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
