We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
