how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
