The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
