a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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