Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
