On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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