Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
