That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
