my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
