I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
