I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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