if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
