I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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