If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize
