super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
