I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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