hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
