forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
