you win again, gameday.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Randomize
