I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
