you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
