Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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