i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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