She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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