took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
